broken_burnt's Journal

...long time

Wow, it's been SO so long since I've been able to actual post here, sorry girls.
SO so much has happened. Mostly bad i guess.
Well its been 2 years living with mia (ana tendancies / COE / S.I) & never told ANY of my best frineds... but the other night my friend came & stayed for a while & I broke down, told her everythign. I was a mess! Turns out I have a few friends who hav (had) E.D's SO now a few people know & we kinda talk openly someitmes about it...(esp. when im DRUNK) & also how we cut ourselves..... Wierd. Scary. STRANGE! I don't know how to feel, just so much has happened. AND lately I can't sleep or breathe and been having so many anxiety attacks at work that i even rang my mum, crying, uable to breathe! She told me that she's taking me to see someone about my 'anxiety/social anxiety'! But IM SOOO SCARED that the doctor/shrink will get everything outta me & all my problems will unravel & my mum will find out about EVERYthing! i DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO REALLY, never seen anyone before. ?? ARGH. I don't want my mum to know I'm sick & messed up, it will hurt her... (>_<)

....I've been liquid fasting for about 3/4 days, going pretty ok, a few slip here & there. But my parents have gone away & my friend is coming to stay again (the one I told) & she makes me eat...she tried to get me to 'recover' kinda. But how do i get around it? Im finally starting to feel empty again....and my wrists are already so screwed upI used to cut as punishment for eating, now its become an addiction & its all I can think about when I'm emo or stressed.? How do I stop, I don't have bracelets big enough to hide the wounds!

Well girls, thats my vent, sorry... Hope everythign is ok. Just think thin, stay strong & remember that wonderful beautiful happy & content feeling that only comes with being EMPTY and LIGHT!

much love, &hearts;always CaRla~* xxx

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